Last updated on July 12th, 2023 at 11:34 pm
When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life
Rating
3/5
Date Started
11-15-2022
Date Completed
11-23-2022
Five Powerful Quotes from the Book
Quote 1
“Establishing boundaries in thinking involves three things:
“1. We must own our own thoughts. Many people have not taken ownership of their own thinking processes. They are mechanically thinking the thoughts of others without ever examining them. They swallow others’ opinions and reasonings, never questioning and “thinking about their thinking.” Certainly we should listen to the thoughts of others and weigh them, but we should never “give our minds” over to anyone…
“2. We must grow in knowledge and expand our minds. One area in which we need to grow is in knowledge of God and his Word… We must learn about the world that he has given us to become wise stewards. Whether we are doing brain surgery, balancing our checkbook, or raising children, we are to use our brains to have better lives and glorify God.
“3. We must clarify distorted thinking. We all have a tendency not to see things clearly, to think and perceive in distorted ways. Probably the easiest distortions to notice are in personal relationships. We rarely see people as they really are; our perceptions are distorted by past relationships and our own preconceptions of who we think they are, even the people we know best.”
Pithy Summary
Quote 2
“Consider the contrast in the parable of the servants who were responsible for investing their master’s gold (Matthew 25:14-30). The ones who succeeded were active and assertive. They initiated and pushed. The one who lost out was passive and inactive.
“The sad thing is that many people who are passive are not inherently evil or bad people. But evil is an active force, and passivity can become an ally of evil by not pushing against it. Passivity never pays off. God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us. That would be an invasion of our boundaries. He wants us to be assertive and active, seeking and knocking on the door of life.”
Pithy Summary
Quote 3
“By the time they are ready to leave home, our children should have internalized a deep sense of personal responsibility for their lives. They should hold these convictions:
- “My success or failure in life largely depends on me.
- “Though I am to look to God and others for comfort and instruction, I alone am responsible for my choices.
- “Though I am deeply affected by my significant relationships throughout my life, I can’t blame my problems on anyone but myself.
- “Though I will always fail and need support, I can’t depend on some overresponsible individual to constantly bail me out of spiritual, emotional, financial, or relational crises.”
Pithy Summary
Quote 4
“Effective workers do two things: they strive to do excellent work, and they spend their time on the most important things…
“Say no to the unimportant, and say not to the inclination to do less than your best. If you are doing your best work on the most important things, you will reach your goals.
“In addition to saying no to the unimportant, you need to make a plan to accomplish the important things and erect some fences around your tasks. Realize your limits, and make sure you do not allow work to control your life. Having limits will force you to prioritize. If you make a commitment to spend only so many hours a week on work, you will spend those hours more wisely. If you think your time is limitless, you may say yes to everything. Say yes to the best, and sometimes you may need to say no to the good.”
Pithy Summary
Quote 5
“Again, the principle is that when something is causing you or others some kind of pain, find the misery and make a rule. Preserve the good stuff and prevent the bad stuff. This is what boundaries are all about. Here are just a few examples of how people have put this principle into action with technology and social media:
- “Phones are routinely turned off and put away during important relationship times (for example, family dinners, date nights, social gatherings, and conversations with friends).
- “Email and social media are turned off during important work periods or other times that require sustained focus, productivity, and task completion.
- “Social media engagement is limited to certain time blocks (for example, fifteen minutes once or twice a day).
- “No technology is used thirty minutes before going to bed at night and thirty minutes after getting up in the morning.
“You may find that personal rules such as these not only prevent a lot of misery, but they also allow you to get more done.”
Pithy Summary
About the Book
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life – “Do you feel like your life has spiraled out of control? Have you focused so much on being loving and unselfish that you’ve forgotten your own limits? Do you find yourself taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and problems? In Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach you the ins and outs of setting the boundaries that will transform your daily life.
“Boundaries, a New York Times bestseller, will give you the tools you need to learn to say yes and know how to say no. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend are here to share the lessons they’ve learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear biblical boundaries.”
About the Authors
Henry Cloud and John Townsend – “Dr. Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and best-selling author. He draws on his extensive experience in clinical psychology and leadership development, to impart practical and effective advice. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold nearly 20 million copies worldwide. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams, and executives to improve performance, leadership skills and culture.”
“Dr. John Townsend is a business consultant, leadership coach and psychologist. He has written over 30 books, selling 10 million copies, including the New York Times best-selling Boundaries series, Leading from Your Gut , Handling Difficult People and People Fuel.”
Additional Resources
Tags
Christian Nonfiction | Family & Relationships | Nonfiction | Religion & Spirituality