But still find joy pursuing an ideal.
“The future isn’t a reality - it’s a projection. And because it’s not reality, it can’t be part of any real measurement of your progress. The only way to measure goals is backward, against the past. Use the reality of where you currently are and measure backward from there to the reality of where you started.”
-Dan Sullivan
Every once in a while an idea comes along that transforms your life…
Over the past several years, as I have intensely focused on self-development literature, I’ve found these transformational ideas entering my life with more frequency.
One such idea has been taught for decades by entrepreneurial coach Dan Sullivan and is known as “The Gap and the Gain.”
For the past several years, Dan has been writing one short ebook each quarter to share his mind-blowing entrepreneurial insights. It was there that I was first exposed to the concept of “The Gap and the Gain.” Since then, I have reflected on this concept repeatedly - sharing it personally and even in a talk in a large church gathering.
I have now read a number of Dan’s ebooks, and was delighted when Dan teamed up with author Benjamin Hardy to expand the concepts into full length books.
“The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success” is now available on Amazon. This is not an affiliate link, so rest assured that I’m not getting paid to say this - I believe this is the best book you can buy this year. And I’ve already listened to a couple of books that were released this year (“Effortless” by Greg McKeown and “Love People, Use Things” by the Minimalists) which were phenomenal.
Let me share a bit more about this concept - ”The Gap and the Gain” - and what it means for you.
Happiness
“It’s an enormous burden to be in the mindset that happiness is something you need to go out and get.”
-Dan Sullivan
A favorite passage from The Book of Mormon reads: “Men are, that they might have joy.”
Note that this verse of scripture does not state: “Men do, that they might have joy.”
Since the Declaration of Independence stated that human beings pursue happiness, and long before then as well, men and women everywhere have been seeking happiness. Yet, is happiness something you find?
Benjamin Hardy writes:
“By embracing the pursuit of happiness, we rob ourselves of happiness in the here and now. We fail to appreciate who we are and what we’ve done to this point.”
I have experienced this dissatisfaction in my own life. Like many, I started a family, went to school, got a degree, began a career, and pursued the American Dream. But no matter how much more I made or accomplished, it never seemed to be enough.
Benjamin Hardy explains that in psychology, this phenomenon is known as ‘hedonic adaptation.’ It’s a tendency of humans to adapt to what we have, thus leading to us never being satisfied.
“The Gap and the Gain” is a simple concept that can lead to satisfaction right now - not the satisfaction we’re hoping for in some distant, hypothetical future. And it all starts with how we measure our progress.
Measure
“Do you find that no matter how much success you have, you’re perpetually dissatisfied with your progress? Does it feel like you’re still far from achieving your biggest goals? The problem is not in the quantity or quality of your success and achievements. The problem is how you measure.”
-Dan Sullivan
Face it - you have flaws… You are never going to be the fastest, strongest, smartest, or most beautiful person in the world. And frankly, who cares? Those are just titles assigned by other flawed people anyway.
You can be happy right now, no matter your shape, color, title, or ability.
But for “The Gap and the Gain” concept to work, it’s going to require a bit of action.
You see, I’ve known about “The Gap and the Gain” for about 12–18 months now, but I haven’t done anything about it. It’s great information, but I have yet to allow the concept to impact my life in a very meaningful way.
My friend, on the other hand, conducts a “gap/gain journaling exercise” on the last day of each month. He learned the concept, and committed to implementing it in his life.
Here is “The Gap and the Gain” concept in a nutshell as explained by Benjamin Hardy:
- “You’re in the GAP every time you measure yourself or your situation against an ideal.”
- “Being in the GAIN means you measure yourself backward against where you were before.”
The world wants you to measure yourself against the ideal… The goal of modern marketing and social media is to persuade you to take action or to be influenced by some ideal.
You might say to yourself: “I want to live in the GAIN. So I’m going to choose to be happy. I’ve accomplished a lot, and I’ll try to remember that going forward.” We all need to start somewhere. But without a plan and a commitment to “measuring yourself backward against where you were before” - just like my friend and his monthly journaling exercise - you will silently slip back into the GAP.
But is being in the GAP really all that bad? I’ll leave that to you to decide, but I would like to discuss the GAP in more detail.
The “Gap”
“An ideal can’t be measured. It’s there for emotional, psychological, and intellectual motivation, but it’s not there for measurement.”
-Dan Sullivan
Throughout my life, I have defined “success” as a destination. However, after immersing myself in personal development literature, and after experiencing some incredible transformations in my life, I have found that “success” is actually experienced on the path to a destination.
Jeff Olson, author of “The Slight Edge,” defined success as follows:
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.”
Human beings are driven by progress. As a dad, at times I exclaim that I just want time to myself to sit around and do nothing! But once things calm down and the kids are in bed, sitting around and doing nothing gets boring real fast.
In reality, I love the chase and I love the struggle. I love working to better myself and make an impact in the world. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with chasing after an ideal.
For example, my 6-year-old son loves basketball. Right now, his “ideal” is to be able to dunk a 6-foot-high hoop. Soon he’ll accomplish that… but by that point, his ideal will have moved. Just like the horizon, we will never reach our ideal. And as Dan Sullivan said, the ideal can’t be measured anyway.
But if we don’t strive for that ideal, think of how much of the journey we would miss out on!
We can get out of the GAP and into the GAIN by striving for the ideal, but measuring our own personal achievements.
The “Gain”
“The future isn’t a reality - it’s a projection. And because it’s not reality, it can’t be part of any real measurement of your progress. The only way to measure goals is backward, against the past. Use the reality of where you currently are and measure backward from there to the reality of where you started.”
-Dan Sullivan
Thus far I have provided a lot of information about this concept of “The Gap and the Gain.” However, you may be wondering how you can actually apply this concept in your own life.
I mentioned previously that my friend conducts a “gap/gain journaling exercise” on the last day of each month. That could be an option for you - to identify specific areas of your life that you want to measure, and then to actively track your progress from month to month.
Another option presented by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy is to “measure your 3 wins daily.”
Similar to happiness research which encourages you to write down three things you’re grateful for each day, writing down three wins will not only boost happiness, but also confidence.
You could complete this in your journal, or even utilize the “WinStreak” app that was created by Dan Sullivan and his team at Strategic Coach.
To me, there is power in looking back and measuring progress over a month (like my friend) or over a quarter… But there is also power in measuring progress each day.
You really have made progress. If it doesn’t seem like it, then it’s probably time to get out of the GAP. Commit to tracking your progress in some form or fashion, and then see what impact this has on your life.
Conclusion
“Each win, big or small, is important, and the more you do the activity of identifying your daily wins, the more you’ll see greater and greater opportunity for wins.”
-Dan Sullivan
The big idea I’m focusing on right now is the concept that parents are entrepreneurs and families are their business.
As an entrepreneur coach, Dan Sullivan interacts on a daily basis with some of the most “successful” entrepreneurs in the world. And yet, fame, fortune, and talent have not brought these individuals happiness. It is “The Gap and the Gain” concept which has taught these high-achievers how to be happy now by looking back and measuring how far they’ve come.
As parents, we can do the same thing. As the entrepreneurs (“parents”) of our business (“family”), we don’t have to wait until some idyllic future when our children listen to us the first time, our home is spotless, and we have no problems to be happy. Because those idyllic settings that other parents on social media have fabricated are just that - a fabrication.
We can choose to be happy right now. But we can also choose to measure our progress, committing to life in “the GAIN.” By implementing our own version of the monthly “gap/gain journaling exercise” or “measuring our 3 wins daily,” we too can experience the intense joy and satisfaction of knowing where we’ve been and what we’ve accomplished.
Dan Sullivan said it best:
“You’ll notice with each winning day - which is every day - that your sense of pride, confidence, and excitement expands and accelerates.”