In An Inspiring Way
“Those who measure their progress improve. Those who measure and report their progress improve exponentially.”
-Dan Sullivan
Parents are entrepreneurs. Families are their business.
How many parents do you know who track their parenting progress?
In my life, I have tracked my financial, physical, career, and intellectual progress, but I have yet to track my parenting progress.
But why not?
Isn’t parenting an incredibly important part of our lives?
Perhaps it’s because we’re not sure what this would actually look like in practice…
I am impressed with the “token system” that author Greg McKeown and his wife Anna implemented in their home to reduce screen time. Greg shares how this system worked in his book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less:
“The children were given ten tokens at the beginning of the week. These could each be traded in for either thirty minutes of screen time or fifty cents at the end of the week, adding up to $5 of five hours of screen time a week. If a child read a book for thirty minutes, he or she would earn an additional token which could also be traded in for screen time or for money.”
This is an excellent idea. But what Greg shares next is even more powerful.
“The results were incredible: overnight, screen time went down 90 percent, reading went up by the same amount.”
My wife and I have come up with some good ideas over our “parenting careers.” However, I honestly have no idea how effective those ideas were, because I didn’t measure progress. I mean, to throw out a percentage by which screen time went down takes Greg and Anna’s idea to a whole new level.
Just like the McKeowns, we can also experience tremendous results as we take our qualitative parenting experiences and find meaningful ways to analyze them quantitatively.
ENTREPRENEURIAL AMBITION
Perhaps one place we could start with what Dan Sullivan calls “entrepreneurial ambition.” Remember, every time I see the word “entrepreneur,” I substitute the word “parent.” You might try this in the four characteristics of entrepreneurial ambition outlined below (note that “they” and “their” is referring to “entrepreneurial achievers,” so for our purposes these quotes are about “parent achievers”).
Dan Sullivan says:
“From my 40 years of coaching entrepreneurial achievers, I have identified four crucial characteristics that set them apart:
1. “They have always been self-motivated by a bigger and better future vision of themselves.
2. “They increasingly ignore other people’s standards and images of personal success.
3. “Their own personal experience - including both wins and setbacks - has always been more useful and instructive to them than following other people’s advice and examples.
4. “They increasingly approach their entrepreneurial future as an exponential game that keeps jumping to higher levels of personal challenge, reward, and enjoyment.”
How much more fulfilling would your parenting experience be if you “increasingly ignore[d] other people’s standards and images of personal success?” Or what if you pursued your parenting journey “as an exponential game that keeps jumping to higher levels of personal challenge, reward, and enjoyment?”
Chances are this parenting future is more inspiring than the current parenting future you might be envisioning right about now.
The trouble is, parenting is not as easily tracked as physical health or finances, where I can track my weight on a scale and my bank account balance on an app. My success as a parent requires a bit more effort.
This leads to Dan Sullivan’s “Ambition Scorecard” and a system for quantifying qualitative data.
“AMBITION SCORECARD”
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.”
-Jeff Olson (Author of The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success & Happiness)
Taking these four crucial characteristics of entrepreneurial ambition, Dan then created an “Ambition Scorecard” which quantifies qualitative data in a manner that leads to improvement and progress.
My purpose is not to dive into the “Ambition Scorecard,” but rather to share the power that comes from quantifying qualitative data. (Note, however, that I will write about the “Ambition Scorecard” in detail in the future).
Just like Jeff Olson wrote in the quote I shared above, success “is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Qualitative data is important, but it’s difficult to measure. And if we are unable to measure our progress in a certain area, then it is difficult for us to improve and to feel successful.
For example, let’s say I want to implement author L.R. Knost’s advice… she said:
“YELLING silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words instead of just your voice.”
Powerful. So, starting today, I’m going to speak quietly… But 1 week from now, or 1 month from now, or 1 year from now, have I made any progress? I may have a general sense of whether I seem to be more in control of my emotions over that period of time, but I’ll ask again - have I made any progress?
Maybe. And maybe not.
In this case, perhaps I could quantify this qualitative data. For example, I’ll create a note on my phone with a numbered list, and every time I yell at my children I’ll type in the date. At the end of 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year, I’ll have a list of how many times I yelled at my children and the dates on which the yelling occurred.
Now I can measure my progress. Chances are a lot of yelling will happen in the first couple of months, and then (hopefully) it will tail off as time progresses.
How different would your life be if you didn’t yell at your children? Now what other qualitative data can you measure that would drastically improve your life and your parenting experience?
WHY QUANTIFY?
“They never kept score. They never chose sides. They never even really stopped playing the game. It just went on forever. Every day, they picked up right where they left off the day before. It was an endless ‘dream game.'”
-The Sandlot
Is it really that important to quantify our qualitative parenting experience? Like the group of boys from The Sandlot who found joy in just “playing the game,” isn’t the joy of parenting that you’re able to do it on your own terms and in your own way?
Is quantifying our qualitative parenting experience an unnecessary burden?
As I’ve pondered these and other questions, I’ve revisited the quote I’ve shared above from The Sandlot. Though it’s true that the group of boys didn’t keep score and the game just “went on forever,” they did still measure results in a way… They pitched, batted, and fielded. They made progress and improved at their craft.
I guess what I’m getting at is - if they more meticulously measured their progress, would this group of boys have lost their love of the game, or would they have improved faster? As parents, by quantifying our parenting experience, would that place undue pressure on our already stressed out lives?
Or would it actually relieve some of the stress we’re experiencing?
PEARSON’S LAW
“That which is measured improves. That which is measured and reported improves exponentially.”
-Karl Pearson
As I analyze my parenting experience, a lot of the stress I feel is that I don’t know whether or not I’m doing a good job… And unfortunately, when I mess up, lose my temper, or feel overwhelmed, I turn to comparison to try and make myself feel better.
“At least I don’t yell as much as…”
“At least my life is more put together than…”
But, as we all know, comparison might feel good in the moment, but it never leads to lasting satisfaction.
We feel the same way in other areas of our life. If it’s unclear what we have been hired to do at our job, we will be in a constant state of stress since we won’t know if we’re doing a good job. When my supervisor provides a framework whereby my work is evaluated, this provides me with direction and feedback that lead to improvement and better performance.
Now here’s a question - which role is more important - parent or employee?
Without hesitation I would respond that my role as a father is more important than my role as an employee. And yet, I’m measuring my progress at work, but not at home. No wonder parenting is stressing me out!
CONCLUSION
Parenting is challenging, especially since there is no “one size fits all” approach.
However, by approaching this challenge with excitement, tenacity, and creativity, we are bound to grow in ways we could never have dreamed would be possible.
That is the power of quantifying our results.
The vast majority of parents do not track their progress or their results, and so they deal with the same stress and overwhelm as the vast majority of the other parents they know.
My aim is to view my role as a parent as that of an entrepreneur. In that light, parenting almost becomes a game for me… I get excited about what sort of progress I can make for my “business” (family). And then by tracking my progress and my results, it prompts me to become even more creative.
It would be hard to imagine a successful company that didn’t track its progress… And yet, if Apple tracks its progress, shouldn’t I track my family’s progress? After all, my family is more important than Apple. And so is yours.
It is more important for my sons to be kind to their classmates than it is for Apple to sell another widget (no matter how cool that widget might be).
It is more important for me and my wife to serve our neighbor than it is for Facebook to sell some more ad space.
The world will always have plenty of new businesses, products, and “magic pills.” So, the world might as well have parents who consistently track their progress as they strive to raise good human beings.
And though it may take some creativity to create a situation in which we can track our progress as parents, every effort will be worth it.